God, some days I wish I could just flip a switch on my life and turn it off, just...die. My anxiety has gotten to the point it's unbearable and most days I just want to hang myself just to end it all, end all the paranoia and fear. I hate it, I hate it so much. I try so hard to keep the paranoia and negativity to a minimum, but it's just too hard. People think anxiety is just 'overreacting' but it isn't, it's a mental disease that causes your own mind to turn on yourself, transforming your own psyche into your worst enemy. Did you know a person with an anxiety disorder is nine times more likely to commit suicide within the next five to ten years of their life than a person without anxiety? Those stats alone show the intensity of this particular disorder. Post-traumatic stress disorder is a prime example of this, because PTSD is an anxiety disorder and shows the ferocity and true strength of anxiety because it can cause the bravest of soldiers to turn the gun on themselves. So if you know someone with anxiety, do not turn a blind eye to them, because you never know how soon they'll end it all by their own hand.

-sighs- Ok...rant over. Sorry about the above paragraph but I just needed to vent my feelings. I've suffered from anxiety for over a year now without aid and it's agonizing. There's points when it sleeps, allowing my mind to rest, but most times it's awake and terrorizing my mind, tormenting me with paranoia and narcissistic thoughts I am unable to control. I want to get help but so far I've been alone to slowly wither away. While I will probably never be brave enough to kill myself, the thoughts are still there for the day I do. I'm not saying I'm gonna kill myself soon, so don't worry. I've inquired a new boyfriend and don't want to kill myself anytime soon because of it, especially before I get to see 'The Avengers'.  

Recently the last few days have been the worst. My anxiety stems primarily from my paranoia from situations existing and non existing. In the last week, I've gotten two emails of porn (one being porn due to the title, the second I'm unsure) but both were titled to which I felt was directly aimed at me, one being my recent relationship and the other referring to my unnatural height. Both were from emails of different countries, one being Russia (.ru) and the other I'm unsure (.ua) and both from female senders. It's probably just hacked emails that are spamming me, but it stills greatly unnerves me due to my weakened mental state. I've gotten this sort of thing before, but the titles to these I suppose are why I worry so greatly because they referred directly to me.

Anyway, rant over. I feel much better now that I have placed my problems in words and can hopefully sleep tonight because of it. So, thanks for reading and good night.